Breaking the chains of childhood trauma
What we dive into in this episode:
Not healing from childhood trauma keeps us from living the abundant life God calls us to. This week, Haley and Noel walk listeners through a four-step process that teaches us how to overcome childhood trauma in adults and reminds us that in order to live in the present we have to heal our past. Although healing is a process, they encourage us that there is hope to be fully healed and restored.
Today on Revive Her:
- Acknowledging your trauma
- Reclaiming your control
- Seeking help through therapy and friends
- Embracing a New Mindset
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How to Heal Childhood Trauma in Adults
Both Haley and Noel had to learn how to heal subconscious trauma from childhood. Noel’s trauma stemmed from the relationships with her biological dad and the man she believed to be her father. These “daddy issues” caused real trauma. The way she dealt with that was a slew of relationships with men, and her new motto “I’ll leave him before he leaves me.”
Haley’s childhood on the outside looking in seems to not have any direct trauma; however, her family was exposed to several distressing events that caused severe anxiety in Haley. Even though you may not have experienced events like abandonment or abuse yourself, witnessing those experiences can lead to trauma and trauma responses.
Acknowledging Your Trauma
The first step to healing childhood trauma is accepting that you have it. Once we acknowledge our trauma it can’t control us anymore. Trauma can sometimes be difficult to recognize because it can show up differently in everyone. Some trauma response types include self-destructive behaviors, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, acting out, sleeping around, or reclusiveness. If you struggle with any of these behaviors, you may be holding onto trauma subconsciously.
Reclaiming Your Control
After we accept what happened to us, then we can start to reclaim control over our lives. We can begin to see and identify patterns in our behaviors that have been formed by the trauma of our past. When we’ve conquered the pain of our past, then our present is controlled by us. We can start to make new decisions for our life based on healing and hope – not pain or protection. God can heal He can deliver us from our past traumas; but we must let go of the crutch of being a victim. We can allow “victim mentality” to be our identity, or we can decide to allow God to give us a new identity. God can heal, but we must face the trauma with Him and work through the pain.
Seeking Help Through Therapy and Friends
One of the first ways to work through the pain is to be in a community with other people. When we are reeling from an emotional or physical trauma, it’s common to want to isolate. Although this seems like a safe response for our mind and body, it can be one of the most damaging behaviors for someone trying to heal. In order for us to fully process what’s happened to us, we have to find a trusted friend, small group, or professional therapist to share that burden with us. One of God’s first concerns about mankind was loneliness. He said it is not good for man to be alone, and so he made Eve for Adam. Even Jesus had disciples with him most of the time. No one can live on loneliness, not the first humans to walk with God, not Jesus, and certainly not us. We all need some alone time; but if you’re isolating from friends and family, we encourage you to put yourself back out there – even if it’s uncomfortable at first.
Embracing a New Mindset
Haley and Noel remind listeners that no matter how “small” or “large” your trauma seems, you deserve healing. You are not responsible for your trauma, but you are responsible for your healing. Sometimes we become addicted to trauma or comfortable in our way of life – no matter how destructive it is. This can make healing difficult because we must change in order to heal. Although change can feel terrifying, the freedom that’s on the other side of healing is worth every hard transition and uncomfortable momentary feeling. Once you start changing one pattern of behavior, the next change gets easier. So remember to start embracing one new mindset at a time, and eventually, you’ll be able to break the patterns of childhood trauma in your life and for the next generation.
Please be patient with yourself as you heal. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. When the road to healing is looking lonely and difficult, remember that God himself says “He is close to the brokenhearted and promises to save those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18). You’re not alone. Your pain is seen and felt with you by the Creator of the universe.
