Double Standards
What we dive into in this episode:
It’s easy to judge strangers, but what about our friends, family, or even ourselves? This week on Revive Her, Haley and Noel help us to understand the double standard meaning and the keys to free ourselves from their unfair expectations. They remind us that Jesus, the ultimate judge, doesn’t play favorites, so maybe we shouldn’t either.
Today on Revive Her:
- Defining a double standard
- Determining double standards biblically
- Judging whether you’re a hypocrite
- Defeating double standards
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What is a double standard?
A double standard definition is when you set different rules, guidelines, or boundaries for one group of people and usually more harshly for another person or group.
But WHY are double standards unbiblical?
God does not have double standards and He isn’t impressed with hypocrisy in others.
Jesus directly warned His followers against double standards in Matthew 7:1-5, saying, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First, remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Jesus is warning us against the foolishness of double standards. Those standards you demand others live up to will be expected of you. And those standards you let some slide by, you’ve gotta let everyone slide by.
So much of Jesus’ preaching was against hypocrisy in religious leaders and followers.
The Pharisees in particular demanded more out of other people than they were willing to demand of themselves. Jesus preached against the Pharisees seven times, accusing them of hypocrisy.
Hypocrisy presents a real, spiritual danger when we are caught up in it. We have to be willing to apply the same standards to ourselves that we demand of others.
God does not have double standards. He does have standards that He expects all of us to live up to. These are the standards He expects us to hold others up to as well, regardless of their political party, their relationship to us, or how well we like them. They will be the standards by which we will ALL be judged on the last day.
A Higher Standard
As Christians, we are all called to live a life that is in the world, but not of the world. God sets a different standard for His people than He does for those who haven’t accepted Him yet. When we have the foresight to know and love Him, we also have the responsibility to live up to the standards He has set.
We cannot expect those that do not have the love we have for Jesus, to be able to hold those same standards and expectations. Instead, we should try to love them where they are as Jesus would. Jesus doesn’t expect perfection from us, and so we shouldn’t either. He knows that we are but dust, and sees our heart in every situation.
Don’t Be a Hypocritical Person.
We can be like the Pharisees by nature. So much of today’s world is accustomed to double standards. It’s fine for the boss to come in late, but not the employees. It’s fine if our sister gets divorced, but such a shame when someone we don’t know does. It’s alright for that criminal I don’t know to get a harsh sentence, but when it’s a family member we think “Whoa! That’s too harsh!” The truth is, that when we set expectations with ourselves, families, and businesses, those same rules should apply to everyone else.
We’ve seen businesses that have certain rules for certain people. We’ve all seen the “favorite game” play out in the office, and it can feel demeaning and unjust for everyone else. We’ve also seen business ideas without double standards, and they truly thrive in comparison. The amount of joy and peace that comes from the integrity of the leaders at the top can be a game-changer for their company.
This means we need to be checking our own leadership, as well, and making sure we aren’t playing favorites or being hypocritical. When we play favorites and coddle certain people it starts a chain reaction throughout your company and will start to infect everything. This is where most drama, chaos, and dissatisfaction start in the workplace.
But it doesn’t stop in the workplace. Double standards can wreak havoc in your family too. We’ve all been aggravated by our husband being on their phones when we have just been doom scrolling for the past hour. We can all say that we’ve treated a child differently based on good behavior and bad behavior. We are only human and tend to want to make decisions based on feeling rather than integrity. But we have to keep ourselves in check and use the same standards across the board.
How do you know if you have double standards?
Play devil’s advocate. Sometimes we don’t even realize we are holding a double standard. This is where playing devil’s advocate can come in handy. Put yourself, someone you love, and someone you can’t stand in the situation you’re thinking about. Does your belief change depending on who’s in the hot seat? If so, you’re holding a double standard in this situation.
If you’re finding it difficult to be honest with yourself, it can be helpful to tell the story as a hypothetical situation to a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor. Sometimes when we are feeling charged with emotion, it can be helpful to gain wise counsel from others who aren’t as emotionally charged as we are in that moment.
How do we overcome double standards?
1. Hold onto the word of God. Jesus overcame the devil through the Word of God. We have to allow the word of God to guide us. Period. Everything we believe, say, and do must have a biblical base to it. The moment you realize that your mind is thinking something contrary to the ‘Word of God’, that is when you need to pull down the stronghold of that thought or belief and return it to the Word of God. Ask yourself “What does Jesus say about this?” That is your only right answer.
2. Drop the unrealistic expectations. Sometimes we place unrealistic expectations on people when they aren’t physically/mentally/emotionally able to meet them (ourselves included). Expectation is the root of disappointment.
3. Have the hard conversations. First, this is biblical. In Matthew 15 it says “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” A lot of times the other person may not even realize their behavior is causing you to feel a certain way. Our emotions cloud our judgment and twist the truth in order to support our beliefs. Having hard conversations can bring clarity and resolution to the situation.
FAQs – For My Girlies Who Skim
How do I know if I have a double standard?
Put yourself, someone you love, and someone you can’t stand in the situation you’re thinking about. Does your belief change depending on who’s in the hot seat? If so, you’re holding a double standard in this situation.
How do I get rid of my double standard?
Cling to the word of God and pray for the Holy Spirit to show you your double standard. Identify any unrealistic or unhealthy standards you’re setting for yourself or others (you most definitely do have some!) Make sure you’re having hard conversations with people who are setting double standards. We want to make sure we are identifying injustice, and helping others to operate with integrity.
