From stumbling blocks to stepping stones
What we dive into in this episode:
No one escapes life without making a mistake or two along the way. Haley and Noel compassionately outline some of life’s most challenging regrets and detail clear action-oriented steps to let go and move on. They remind listeners that God is bigger than all of our mistakes and offer forgiveness to everyone who calls on Him.
Today on Revive Her:
- Utilizing the pain of regret
- Learning from our past
- Action steps to overcome your past
- Staying in the present
- Allowing God to heal your past
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Regret Definition
Psychology Today defines regret as “a negative cognitive or emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been, or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made.”
Some actions that can lead to regret include: lying, cheating, stealing, additions, unfaithfulness, shame from failure, and bad parenting decisions – just to name a few.
When we are faced with regret, it isn’t just about wishful thinking, there’s a deep sense of shame, self-blame, and guilt that goes along with the feelings of regret.
Although regret isn’t a warm and fuzzy feeling, it can have some positive aspects, such as self-reflection, self-improvement, and a more positive social experience. However, if we allow regret to run our lives, and ruminate on our past “failures” and mistakes, regret can lead to all sorts of mental and physical problems.
What Causes Regret?
Often when we are faced with the consequences of our actions it provides us a way to look back and realize what we could have done differently. The more opportunities and the more decisions we are faced with, the more likely we are to regret those decisions. When we are faced with so many daily choices, there’s so much opportunity to think about the way life could have gone if we had just done one thing – or not done that one thing.
The Symptoms of Regretting
If you’re constantly feeling the weight of your past, you may experience symptoms like muscle tension, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, headaches, muscle pain, joint pain, and chronic stress.
The stress of your regret can increase your risk of problems with breathing issues, chest pain, joint pain, and poorer overall health. It can also impact mental health leading to feelings of anxiety, depression, poor self-esteem, helplessness, and hopelessness.
If you’re struggling with symptoms of regret and experiencing suicidal thoughts, or ideations, or you have made a plan to take your own life, know that there is real help for you. This doesn’t have to be the end of your story. Reach out to the 988 Lifeline, call a friend, or seek professional help immediately. You’re not alone.
Bible Characters and Regret
If you’re experiencing regrets, you’re not alone, even in Biblical times God’s chosen people experienced the heavy weight of regret. In Acts 9, one of the main characters in the Bible, Saul, later Paul, was legally righteous in the eyes of Jewish culture and the Pharisees. He was on a manhunt for the early Christian church, murdering them in horrific ways.
And yet, Jesus came to him, knocked Saul off his horse, and gave him a new name and purpose. He became a notable Christian and is responsible for more than half the New Testament. His story shows us that just one experience with the Living God can radically transform your life.
This transformation, however, doesn’t mean you won’t experience consequences for your actions or even shame and regret. Paul understood the regret experience all too well and had to deal with the consequences like Christians not trusting him at first. He writes in Philippians 3 about how we can’t let ourselves dwell on past experiences, and we must all press toward Jesus and move forward.
How to Deal with Regret
The first step to dealing with regret is accepting what happened. No matter how much we may want to, we can’t change the past. In order to move on, we have to accept what happened and try our best to move on.
Trying to move on from the past can be difficult unless you learn how to forgive. Forgiveness for others and for yourself can look different for everyone depending on your circumstances. Forgiveness does not have to look like being a doormat or not setting clear boundaries for yourself. In fact, clear-cut boundaries and expectations can help to improve and heal past regrets and relationships.
Making amends with friends and family can be an important step in the healing journey. Often when we are dealing with our past regrets, we’re dealing with the way we intentionally or unintentionally hurt others with our actions. Though it can’t change the past, trying to repair or at least hear the other person out can start to heal old and festering wounds.
Don’t think, act. Oftentimes we can get so bogged down with our past mistakes that we forget about our bright future. It’s never too late to change and start on a new beginning, but you can’t stay in your mind wishing and wondering “what if” all the time. You have to get out in the real world and live your life.
When we are hung up on the past, we can often feel as though we are drowning in a sea of negative thoughts and regrets. The Bible tells us that we have power over these lies and thoughts and encourages us to “take every thought captive” only focusing on good, righteous, and noble things. Negative thinking breeds negative actions, so try to focus on positive thinking in order to reap a positive life.
So How Do You Overcome Your Past?
- Prioritize Letting Go. Make a conscious decision to let go each day. You have to let go of the past, and it may take a while to surrender everything that happened. Overcoming and healing from your past is a process, so make sure to give yourself grace as you try to let go daily.
- Embrace Mindfulness. Become aware of your thoughts. Often, we don’t realize we’re dwelling on the past. Practicing mindfulness keeps you focused on the present moment, helping you let go of what was and focus on what is right in front of you.
- Transform Your Mindset. You must work on your mindset daily. Although it might feel strange at first, you need to train your mind to dismiss negative self-talk and adopt positive, empowering beliefs that elevate you instead of weighing you down.
- Surround Yourself with Positive People. We say this almost every episode, but who you hang around is who you’re going to become, so make sure you’re surrounded by people who inspire you and who you want to be like.
- Focus on the Present. Shift your attention to the present moment. The present is the only time that truly exists. The future is just a product of your imagination, and the past lives in your memories, which can be distorted. The reality is what is happening right now. Being fully present is a powerful state for the human soul, unburdened by past regrets or future anxieties.
- The power of presence is immense, bringing fulfillment not only to yourself but also to those around you. When you are fully present, your children feel more connected, your significant other feels truly heard, and your relationship thrives. Your friendships become stronger and more meaningful.
- Recognize your triggers and work on your response. An event or a person may be triggering for you, but the way you act on that trigger is your responsibility. Try to heal to the best of your ability so that you don’t hurt others.
Just remember, once you give your regrets to God, the encouraging thing is they often become springboards to propel you forward in life and your purpose. Instead of sulking in self-defeat and second-guessing, give your regrets to God, and let Him heal your emotions and heart. This is a critical step that sets the wheels in motion for you to ultimately fulfill your purpose. Focus on the new thing that Christ wants to do in you and through you. There’s a new purpose and calling just waiting on the other side of your healing for you.
2 Corinthians 5:17 – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
FAQs – For My Girlies Who Skim
What is regret?
Regret happens when we blame ourselves for a negative outcome in our lives. It’s often linked with shame, self-doubt, and insecurities.
How to let go of regret?
There are many things you can do to overcome regret, but the main points are to accept what happened, forgive those involved (including yourself), and take positive actions toward a better future.
Can regret be a positive feeling?
Regret can lead to self-reflection and awareness, which in turn, could lead you to making better decisions in the future. Regret can help keep us safe when faced with opportunities in our lives, but the danger comes when we let regret run our lives and our future.
