Dealing with Self-Doubt
We’re welcoming Mpowered Hosts Brittany Mills from Netflix’s Love Is Blind and Mandy Rogers to chat about dealing with self-doubt.
Brittany Mills and Mandy Rogers are the Hosts and Producers of MPowered, a podcast and community highlighting inspirational women. Both with their unique journeys of cycle breaking, corporate ladder climbing, and entrepreneurship, they’re dedicated to ensuring every girl and woman has a community of support no matter what phase of life they’re in.
Every woman hears that little voice that says, “You can’t do it, you’ll never make it.” In today’s episode, Haley and Noel chat with self-doubt experts about how to battle that voice. Mandy and Brittany encourage us that we can combat self-doubt and live our best lives with positive thoughts and a little help from the right friends.
What we dive into in this episode:
- Combating and dealing with self-doubt
- Self-doubt vs. realistic boundaries for yourself
- Noticing triggers for self-doubt
- Surrounding ourselves with the right community
- Shutting down negative self-talk
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What is Self-Doubt?
Self-doubt happens when we feel insecure about our looks, abilities, and talents. It stems from a root of insecurity within yourself and your identity.
How Can I Tell If I Have Self-Doubt?
You may struggle with self-doubt if you’re:
A Blessing Blocker
If you can’t accept compliments, you’re a “blessing blocker,” struggling with self-doubt. Learn to “accept your flowers.” Just say thank you when someone compliments you.
Fishing for Compliments
On the other hand, if you’re seeking reassurance for every little thing, you’re probably struggling with insecurity too. If we need others to validate how we feel about ourselves, we have self-doubt.
Struggling with Negative Self Talk
If you constantly say mean things to yourself, then you have a self-doubt problem. If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend or daughter, why are you saying it to yourself?
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
Ever feel like someone’s going to find out you’re not qualified for the role you have? You may be struggling with Imposter Syndrome, a symptom of unresolved self-doubt.
How Do I Combat Self-Doubt?
Realize You’re A Work In Progress
We will always be working on ourselves. Unfortunately, there’s no age or time frame where that goes away. If you never doubt yourself, DM us! We want to meet you!
Be Aware
As you grow and evolve, you must be aware of who and what you’re surrounding yourself with. What triggers your self-doubt, and how can you do less of that? Is it socials? A specific person? An event?
You may have to cut that out until your identity is more substantial and you’re feeling better.
Keep Your Circle Small
On socials, be intentional about who you follow. If certain women plant seeds of self-doubt for you, unfollow them. It’s not that you can’t support them, but you need to help yourself first.
We ALWAYS say this, but be intentional about who you surround yourself with. Make sure the people around you cheer you on and encourage you. Let go of the haters, and keep your circle filled with people who make you feel good.
Routine, Routine, Routine!
We all have those days where we feel gross. When those days happen, fall back into your routine. Get up and out of bed! Go for a walk, put on something cute, and take yourself to dinner. Do those small things that remind you of who you are.
The Wisdom of Insecurity
Sometimes insecurity in yourself can be helpful if you’re being constructive. When you’re honest and realistic with yourself, you can work to improve areas you’re not pleased with. But there’s a fine line between being self-critical and self-constructive.
Self-doubt is watering the thought of “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not enough,” whereas self-criticalness is looking at where we can improve, where we are, and where we want to be.
Negative self-talk is never helpful. Talk to yourself kindly always.
Can You Help Others Build Confidence?
First, you must find a small group that you feel comfortable with. They’re the ones who always have your back, cheer you on, and are honest with you when you need a little push. So how can you help your friends build their confidence?
Be Honest.
In any friendship, honesty is the best policy. Make sure you can be honest with your friend about what you’re seeing. Are they being too mean to themselves? Can an improvement be made to help them be where they want to be?
Be Kind.
Friends don’t let friends say mean things to themselves! If you catch your friends speaking negatively about themselves, point it out to them! Make them say something kind about themselves instead.
Call Up.
Whenever we speak with others, especially if they’re already feeling insecure, we want to make sure we’re not calling them out. We want to call them up! Maybe there’s some truth to what they’re saying, perhaps they do need to stop wallowing, but saying that outright may cause unnecessary shame. Instead, try calling them up to what God has called them to be. Saying something like, “You’re right! I want more joy in your life. What are some ways we can add more joy back into your life?”
How To Build A Supportive Community
We’ve said it in every episode. The people by your side matter. But we get it, it’s hard to find your people. So how can you build that supportive community?
Find Events Near You
We’ve talked about this before, but if you’re not going to events, you’re missing out on clients and friends. Even if you have to drive, fly, or take a train, going to events is important when finding your community.
Slide Into DMs
It’s not weird! It’s not! If you see someone you’d love to be friends with, send them a DM. If they say no, they’re not your people anyway. It is that simple.
Go to Church
We know. We get it. We’ve been there. The church has hurt you, but at the end of the day, that’s where the people who are trying to be more like Christ are. We are ALL a work in progress. We are ALL trying to be more like Christ. Find people who are trying alongside you at church.
