How to Keep a Marriage Alive
We’re spicing things up with a male’s perspective on how to spice up a marriage and entrepreneurship. Today, Noel and her husband, Drew, reveal the secrets that have kept their marriage alive through the rough seasons of life. They encourage couples to continue dating, over-communicate, and keep choosing each other every day.
What we dive into in this episode:
- Supporting your spouse
- Communicating in a marriage
- Working as a team
- How to spice up a marriage (AKA keeping things SPICY)
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How Do I Keep My Marriage Alive?
If you’re struggling to keep that spark alive, check out our other marriage episode here. We’ll dive into topics like challenges, priorities, and effective communication.
Many people struggle with financial decisions, mistrust, and kids.
Financially, do everything you can to bring as much as possible to the table. In the same vein, though, your partner has to be content with what you can do. If you’re doing all you can to make ends meet, then your partner has to be willing to meet you in the middle. You need to be your partner’s biggest cheerleader. Sometimes, we can get it twisted and not want to see our partner doing better than us, but you have to remember you’re on the same team.
If you’re struggling with mistrust, do the right thing when nobody’s watching. If you’re still reeling from past hurts and unforgiveness, make sure you get the help you need. It’s a sign of strength in your marriage to ask for help from other trusted couples, therapists, and pastors. You don’t have to deal with this alone.
With kids, marriage can become difficult. You have to take each season for what it is. Every season of parenthood comes with new struggles, but your marriage has to come first. If you aren’t putting your marriage first, then when your kids leave, you won’t have a marriage. You have to build a strong foundation for your family.
Balancing Entrepreneurship and Marriage
When you’re building that business, that’s a hustle season. It will be hard, and you may have to adapt to not having as much time with your partner at first. Spouses have to support each other and help one another achieve their dreams. Do everything you can to see your partner win, but make sure you’re openly communicating your needs and feelings too.
How to Keep Your Marriage Alive With Kids?
With kids, it changes the game. It’s your decision as parents whether it changes the game for the good or the bad. Let’s be honest, you’re the parents, you made that decision. Struggling with balancing the kids is part of life, but you have to make time for your spouse. There will be trials when you have kids that will test you beyond what you have been tested.
Get a babysitter. Date your spouse. Go on a trip once a year with just your spouse. You don’t want to lose that fire. If you do, you have to fight to get it back. Make the time for intimacy.
Overcoming the Hard Times in Your Marriage?
If you try to conquer problems in your marriage on your own, it won’t happen. Just like, if you try to conquer life without God, you’re gonna struggle. The more you can communicate, and get your problems, doubts, and nitpicks out in the open, the better your marriage will be. You can’t hold that inside. You have to tell your spouse what you need.
Marriage is accountability. If your spouse is wrong, you have to be the person who tells them. You and your spouse are one, so there’s no better person to point out your flaws and shortcomings. You just have to learn to do so respectfully. You have to have each other’s backs. In those hard times, you have to choose your spouse repeatedly.
“I Hate My Marriage Because…”
Marriage brings many rainbows and joys, but it also brings pitfalls and hardships. These are some of the most common pitfalls in marriage.
We Don’t Talk Anymore
Communication challenges are normal, but you and your spouse have to talk! Effective communication is key to any healthy relationship. When we don’t speak with our partners, it leads to misunderstandings, assumptions, and ultimately a disconnect in the marriage. If you and your spouse aren’t practicing active listening, don’t have tough conversations, or nitpick at each other constantly, you’re headed down a hard road.
My Husband and I Fight All the Time
Differences in spending habits, saving priorities, or how to handle various parenting decisions often lead to marital strain. If you and your spouse are struggling with these hard-to-resolve conflicts, know that you aren’t alone. Every marriage will go through these disagreements at some point or another, it’s all about how you handle the disagreements.
There’s No Physical Intimacy
You gotta have that physical touch. You have to fight to keep that spark alive. When those feelings start to fade, it can make you feel lonely or dissatisfied in your marriage, leading to a myriad of problems and poor decisions. Busy lives, stress, unresolved issues, and changing physical attraction can contribute to this problem.
Life Is Hard
Life is hard, and the challenges that come from work, family, and health can seriously impact your marriage too. It can be so hard to juggle these hardships and your marriage’s needs simultaneously. This can compound the negative emotions you both already feel in the tough situation.
It’s on the Backburner
Although there may be short seasons where your partner’s on the back burner, those seasons must end. If you aren’t consistently putting your partner first, you’re going to cause a lot of resentment in your marriage.
So Let’s Spice It Up!
Have the Hard Talk
You know the talk you don’t want to have? That’s exactly the talk you need to have with your spouse. You have to tell your partner how you feel and what you think, in a respectful way, of course.
Date Night
It doesn’t have to be expensive, but you have to dedicate specific time to connect. Maybe you go on a drive with the windows down. Grab a bottle of wine and a movie at home. It could be as simple as a home-cooked meal at your dinner table. Whatever it is, it should be just you two! Think about your shared interests, and then spend that quality time together (without the kids).
Be Grateful
Did your spouse do something you loved? Tell them that! They won’t know unless you say so. Make them feel seen, and remember that they didn’t have to choose you, but they did! If you feel ungrateful, remember that you don’t have to be in this relationship – you get to be here.
Fan the Flame
You have to work to keep that spark alive with thoughtful surprises, scheduled plans, and doing new things together. Contrary to popular belief, that spark doesn’t just keep growing, you have to fan that flame.
Teamwork Makes the Dreamwork
Approach problems together, support each other’s goals, and work jointly on solutions to strengthen your partnership.
Prioritize Physical and Emotional Intimacy
Keep physical and emotional intimacy alive by being affectionate and ensuring you meet each other’s needs in these areas.
Practice Forgiveness and Empathy
Develop a habit of understanding and forgiving each other’s flaws. This will help you overcome mistakes and strengthen your bond.
Marriage Counseling
If you encounter complex challenges that are too difficult to resolve on your own, consider seeking couples counseling for professional guidance and support.
Diamonds in the Rough
Marriages can hit rough patches and burn out. Whether it’s due to communication breakdowns, unresolved conflicts, or just life’s many stressors…maintaining a strong marriage takes work.
But with a bit of effort and a willingness to address issues head-on, you can breathe new life into your relationship. It’s all about prioritizing each other, keeping those lines of communication open, and finding ways to reconnect, even when things get tough.
We encourage you to meditate on these scriptures and pray together for God’s advice in your marriage.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
“Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:9
This rough patch you’re going through is just a diamond in the rough. You’ll be stronger for it. Marriage isn’t always easy, but the journey together is worth it.
FAQs For My Girlies Who Skim
How can I spice up my marriage?
Prioritize each other. Communicate – even the stuff you don’t want to say. Ask for help when you need it.
How do I keep my marriage alive?
Need more advice for your marriage? Check out our other episode here. We’ll dive into topics like common challenges, priorities, and effective communication.
Are my kids ruining my marriage?
Kids, like starting a business, are hard. Marriages, kids, and businesses all take time and care. You have to get your priorities straight. God comes first. Then your spouse, your kids, and your business come last. Seek God first, and everything else will be added unto you.
