The impact of business on marriage
Between financial strains, kid’s sports schedules, and managing your own business, an intimate marriage may seem like a fairytale. Today, Haley and Noel explore the difficulties of marriage and entrepreneurship. They navigate listeners through practical ways to reconnect, prioritize, and communicate effectively with your spouse.
What we dive into in this episode:
- Common challenges in marriage
- Balancing work and marriage
- Supporting your spouse
- Prioritizing your spouse
- Communicating effectively in your marriage
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Save My Marriage, I’m …
A Busy Bee
Being an entrepreneur is synonymous with long hours, demanding schedules, and no time for personal relationships. The long hours alone can be a huge challenge for marriages because spouses require time and energy too. If you’re feeling like you’re buzzing everywhere but home – we get it, but there are boundaries and strategies available for you to get some well-deserved alone time with your honey bee.
Struggling with Money
Financial pressures add so much stress to any relationship. But throw in some tough business decisions, like prioritizing business investments over family expenses, and that could lead to the beginnings of civil war in your home. When you’re starting up your business you have to invest in it for it to grow, but if finances are already tight that may lead to some disagreements your marriage wasn’t prepared for. Believe it or not, you can have discussions about finances in a healthy way that will actually benefit you and not break your marriage. We’ll show you how.
Working on Trust
When you’re running your own company, you don’t necessarily think to involve your spouse in every business decision. Who calls in from the office to ask your spouse if you can buy the more expensive ink? But – especially if money’s tight – your spouse might feel like the business is taking up more than its fair share of the finances. Your partner trusting you is important, and not breaking that trust is even more important. Working on trust can be even more difficult if you’ve had a break of trust in your past.
Stressed Out
The emotional toll of running a business can be a lot – to say the least. The stress and pressure of your business may spill over into personal relationships, leading to burnout and exhaustion (from both parties). Especially when you’re first launching your business, you’re overworked and underpaid, and it can feel very isolating. The good news? You’re not alone. There are ways to conquer this feeling and move through it.
Not Feeling Supported
Feeling like your spouse isn’t supporting you can be like a stab in the back. When you’re working to make your dreams come true and the vision come to life, you want everyone else to see what you do! After all, our business is our baby – why isn’t everyone else as obsessed as we are with it?
Feeling Overwhelmed
Balancing kids, your spouse and the workload of an entrepreneur is a daunting task that not many can achieve. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you have good reason – but not all hope is lost! We won’t lie to you – it’s gonna be hard, but you can put some plans in place to make it doable for you and your spouse.
How to Save My Marriage?
Despite the challenges above, maintaining a healthy marriage is possible. Let’s talk it through.
Communicate
We get it. You’re feeling drained after a long day, and the last thing you want to do is talk about heavy things with your spouse. Hear us out – you need to tell your partner the hard things. The stuff you don’t want to tell them is exactly what you should be telling them. If you don’t talk with your spouse, the enemy will. Just like we have those little lies that creep in, your partner does too. They will only know what you share with them, so you have to make sure you’re communicating often and effectively. Often when we want to communicate we think of us talking, but an important part of a conversation is listening. We need to give our partner space to voice their thoughts and feelings, not just our own. If you’re struggling with communication, there are people who can help. It can be helpful to talk with a therapist, mediator, coach, or pastor when issues feel overwhelming. We even encourage you to talk with someone when your marriage feels healthy. Preventative therapy is healthy for your marriage too!
Time Management & Grace
A family needs time and attention, so excellent time management is key to keeping your family healthy. Time blocking and setting business hours will save you so much time and energy in the long run. When you set your blocks of time and your schedule make sure to prioritize and work around your partner’s schedule. If they work the night shift, don’t work the whole time they’re off. Make sure you’re doing the same for your children. Don’t work through every event or every evening after they get off from school. Make sure to give yourself a little grace too. It’s hard when there’s only one of you and it feels like there’s not enough time in the day. There will always be times when you don’t feel present enough with your family because of your work. Once you have that set schedule – stick to it! Your schedule will only help you if you are unwavering in your boundaries around it. Remember – your business is not going to burn down if you’re not working 24/7.
Help Them See the Vision
When you don’t have your spouse’s support it can feel like a failure before you even begin, but with a perspective shift, you can still succeed. In the beginning, when your business isn’t making any financial gains, it can be hard for your partner to support you because they can’t see the vision like you can. Make sure you keep talking to your spouse about your dream and dream with them! Once your business gets off the ground, your partner will be able to see the vision more clearly and hopefully support you more willingly. On the flip side of that, we need to make sure we are supporting our non-entrepreneur partner’s dreams too. They may feel it’s unfair for you to chase your dreams if you won’t let them chase theirs. Make sure you’re validating your belief in them – who knows – it just might be the fire they need to support your dreams too.
Boundaries
Make sure you set boundaries around resting and alone time. Maybe your boundary is a trip away without the kids, a weekly date night, or a check-in each month. Whatever that boundary may be isn’t as important as having the boundary and prioritizing your spouse. Making sure that they’re feeling seen, heard, and valued is what you’re after. Feeling valued starts with undivided attention and putting up solid boundaries around alone time with your partner. This undivided time doesn’t have to be expensive. You can find cheap date night ideas or even at-home date night ideas with a quick Google search. Get creative! Remember, it’s about the quality time – not the money.
Outsource
We can compare and keep up with the Joneses, but in reality, we don’t have to do any of those things. It’s ok to say no and outsource things in your life or business. It’s ok to hire a cleaning service or another employee to take some tasks off your plate. Even though it can be hard to release control, especially in your business, it could save you time and money in the long run.
A Healthy Marriage is Possible
We want to leave you with one question:
If you had to choose between your spouse and your business, in your heart of hearts is your spouse truly first?
It can be tough, especially when launching or growing your business to not put your business first, but it’s important that your spouse doesn’t feel like they’re second to the business. No one wants to feel like a second fiddle, so prioritize your marriage, communicate with your spouse, and keep that flame burning.
Ephesians 4:2-3 says “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
Remember that even through disagreements, you and your spouse are on the same team. Work together, compromise, and hear each other out in order to find the best-case scenario for both of you.
FAQs For My Girlies Who Skim
How do I stop fighting with my spouse about my business?
Get curious. Stay respectful. Keep calm. Find the root of the issue first. Is the problem time, money, jealousy, or something different? After figuring out the root of the issue, validate and respect your partner’s feelings (even if you don’t agree with them). Throughout the whole conversation, keep a low, calm voice. This shouldn’t feel like an interrogation, but a curious conversation. Remember, you’re on the same team. No one’s playing to win, it’s all about understanding the other person.
What can I do to save my marriage and my business?
Get real with yourself and your spouse. If it had to come down to it, would you choose your spouse? If the answer is yes, and things are rocky, maybe you need to set your business to the side as you focus on making your marriage healthy again. If the answer is no, then ask yourself why and if that’s fair to your spouse. It’s a universal feeling to want to feel chosen and loved. If you’re not choosing your spouse, you need to dig deeper to find out the reason why.
Can I work and have a healthy family?
It is possible to work and have a healthy marriage and family. It can be hard to divide up time. Some days your work will get more of you, and some days your family will get more. In the end, you can’t make more time, but you can make your time matter.
